2019 was that year for me, the one when my whole world came crashing down. Every single month brought its own challenges, but I kept smiling and smiling until my mouth began to ache.
At a point, my heart decided enough of the smiles, just release it. All the hurt, the pain, the rejections, the loss, just release and this is what I have been doing.
I am no where near healed but its a journey. I am of the belief that when bad things want to happen, they often come in succession and then there is a rest.
Early in the year 2019, I was looking forward to my birthday. A night before, as per custom, I expected my beloved mum to call me and regale me with stories of how my birth was so easy for her and go on to tell me how proud she was of the woman I was becoming.
I didn’t get that call, but I did get a call the morning of my birthday, one I would not forget in a long long time. As I went out to celebrate that night, all the while smiling, I couldn’t help but wonder if I would ever see my mum again.
Several nights I stayed up asking God for a miracle. I wanted nothing more, just that one thing. I never got an answer to that prayer and we ended up loosing her.
Did I not pray enough? Is one question that has kept plaguing me even up till this moment.
Also in 2019, I met and reconnected with a lot of amazing people, some brought about by a shared grief.
Had a conversation with a friend the other day, and he told me that it seems like he met me at a time when my life was in shambles. But what got to me was the part where he added, “I can’t wait to see you get your joy back, because even in spite of everything, you are the best thing that happened to me this year”.
I don’t think he realized how much impact his words have had on me, because now anytime I start to feel sad, I remember, “your friendship is the best thing that happened to someone this year”.
So here are the lessons 2019 has taught me in summary.
1) A kind word can go a long way.
2) It is important to draw boundaries. You don’t have to be fake nice to anyone who has hurt you. Be civil but maintain your boundaries.
3) You cannot win with everyone. Be yourself and they will adjust accordingly.
4) You don’t see the true sides of anyone until they are under pressure. When everything looks rosy and we all smiling, you can easily be deceived by the exterior, but time is an interesting factor I have grown to be comfortable with. Nothing stays buried forever.
The true strength of character is tested under pressure.
5) Never make important decisions that can affect your life and destiny in a hurry. There are decisions that I am glad now that I did not take, because the fallout of those decisions I may never would have been able to recover from.
6) You see those people around you, there is only so much they can do. Some may try and go the extra mile once in a while, but at the end of the day, it’s your battle. On the other hand, a man who has quality friends is rich.
7) There are always 3 sides to a story. Your side, my side and the truth. In every story, the villain is always the other person. Somehow, it makes us feel better when we have people on our side telling us, ‘at least you tried.’
8) You are a sum total of the people around you. Want to be different or do things differently be with those you admire, and copy all they do. Before long, they will rub off on you and you will begin to admire yourself.
9) Some people are only invested in the thrill of the chase, adrenaline rush they call it, quick fix, learn to know the difference.
10) Desperate people do desperate things.
11) Our biggest blessings are sometimes wrapped up in a goodbye. You say good bye to one thing and then the door of blessings to the next opens.
12) Sometimes, you have to play dumb to get what you need and for peace to reign. Does not make you stupid, it is just because you consider some things more important than others.
13) Always be truthful, that way you don’t have to think too far to remember what you have said before.
These are some of the lessons, I have learnt in 2019. Overall, I am just glad it is over.