How do you build up trust after trust has been broken?
If you have ever been lied to, stolen from…etc., and gotten your trust broken before or if you have seen bad things happen to someone close to you, you may internalize their pain and find it hard to trust. You might not still be in a relationship or remained friends with the person who did those things, but from time to time, it might feel as if those ghost from your past are being resurrected.
And if you are the one who has broken the trust, then it is on you to prove that you can be trustworthy again. How do you do that?
When I say relationships, it could any form of relationship. This could include romantic relationships, friendships, even relationships with parents and siblings.
For any relationship to thrive, platonic and romantic, trust is key so you need to trust your partner and your partner needs to trust you. If you choose to remain with a partner who has cheated and lied to you, or if you have moved on to another, you will still need to build trust with them.
If you have never been cheated or lied to, or if you have not seen it happen to anyone around you, you most often will start your relationship from a place of trust which is great. But the trust can be easily broken if work is not done to maintain it.
It is also important to know that trust can only be earned and regained if you are willing to put in the work. This is both from the perspective of the person who has erred and the person who needs to learn to trust again.
Here are 10 ways to build trust in your relationship.
1) Communicate your feelings
If you have issues trusting for whatever reason, be open about it. It will not been fair to others, if they don’t know you already have an issue trusting. If you have gotten to a point where you are sure the relationship is in for the long haul, then you can open up about the issues that has made you less trusting. This is especially a must for someone who has not given you any reason to distrust them.
Make them know that it not necessarily about them, but it something they can help you with. Be vulnerable and open about the issues you are facing.
2) Always give your partner the benefit of doubt
Before you rush into making drastic decisions, have it at the back of your mind that this person is not the same one that has done you bad before, and people are different.
If you stayed friends with someone who has broken your trust before, this also applies. You choose to stay because you believed in their ability to do better. This does not mean you should not be watchful, but don’t be hasty in calling them out for situations you think are shady.
3) Foster a relationship where openness is key
If you have cheated and lied before, or if your partner has trust issues, one way to build up trust is to be absolutely open about everything.
It is better to over communicate than not communicate at all. Silent treatment is a death sentence if you value your relationship. Even if you are not the talking type, make the effort. Relationships are never convenient, they require a level of sacrifice. Even the little things that you may consider unimportant, fill them in on it. In the long run, it may not be absolutely necessary, but it is great for the initial trust building process.
Relationships are about sharing, and to inspire trust accessibility is important.
4) Open phones
This is more for romantic partners. Make sure your partner can access to your phone. They don’t need to check, and they may never check, but it is good that they are aware they have access to it.
If you have to put in a password, let them know it. It fosters trust.
5) No secret
There should not be secret between two people working towards building trust. Secrets kept away from partners, destroys relationships. Its a burden to keep secrets. Be transparent. Click To Tweet
6) Be straightforward
Be straightforward with answers when you are asked questions, and give straightforward responses. Don’t try to play smart or act dumb. It can give room to the other party filling the gap and leading to great assumptions about what you may be hiding. Remember you are dealing with someone who is learning to trust you again.
7) Carry them along
If trust was broken as a result of issues with the opposite sex, then carry partners along in your relationship with the opposite sex. I usually say, I do not need to be friends with all my partners female friends, but at least we should be cordial. If it was because of issues with money, be open about finances and spending.
8) Let your words be true and your actions match
Be true to the words you say and don’t make promises you cannot keep. If you plan to meet up or call at a certain time, keep to it. If for any reason, you cannot, communicate the reason why to the other person and try not to make it a constant.
9) Go for Therapy
There are those who might require therapy to be able to learn to trust again because they have serious trust issues. If you have gone through a lot that may have traumatized you, seek help, because those feelings will keep coming up over and over again if they are not properly dealt with, and it will affect the quality of relationship you have with others.
10) Never Betray trust
Never betray trust placed in you in the first place. Be a person worthy of trust. Life is easier this way. Trust is demonstrated and it becomes stronger overtime.
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If you are not able to build back trust with a person, or if you find it hard to ever trust someone, then there might be no reason or basis for a relationship. You will keep watching your back if you don’t trust, waiting for the day the person might lie to you, steal from you and/or cheat on you. That is not a life you want to be living.
Trust can be a fragile thing, but it is the foundation on which all relationships are built. – Unknown
