In a relationship both parties should thrive. A healthy relationship is built on love that has to be constantly nurtured.
If any of these signs are there, then your relationship is bad for you, and you will not be happy
#1 You do not feel free
If in your relationship, you do not feel that you can be your true authentic self then there is a problem.
Any relationship that makes you pretend to be something you are not is not a healthy relationship for you.
#2 Your own issues are always relegated to the background
They are always putting their needs above yours.
Whenever it comes to an issue you have or are facing, they downplay on it, but when it comes to their problems they want you to act fast.
Continually suppressing your issues to look after others is bad for your mental health.
#3 There is no trust
If your partner tells you that they would be somewhere until a certain time and you do not trust that they are there, so you keep on calling to make sure they really went there or you are always snooping in their phones to see the calls and messages they have received, then your relationship is not healthy.
You are putting yourself under unnecessary torture.
For every healthy relationship, trust is the bedrock. You cannot truly love without trust.
#4 You do not feel safe
In a healthy relationship, both partners should feel safe.
If in your relationship, you always have this feeling of uncertainty and are constantly afraid that you both would break up, then your relationship is not healthy.
If you or your partner constantly threaten each other with break up, or are constantly walking out on each other after a disagreement, then that relationship is toxic and not a healthy one.
#5 You feel used
There are some people who only go into a relationship to use others.
A healthy relationship is a partnership, both individuals should be able to do things for each other.
If you feel that your partner is only with you for things such as finance, or to get to a certain position in life, then its likely you are being used.
Signs that you are being used in a relationship include, only wanting to be with you at night, they only text and call when it is convenient for them, they are only nice to you when they need to ask a favor and they make you afraid to say No.
For example, A partner who always ‘forgets’ their wallet when they need to make purchases is likely using you to pay their bills.
#6 No time
You know you are in an unhealthy relationship if you are constantly making time for other things except each other.
You cannot say you love someone but do not make time out to be with them.
Understandably, there are times one could be busy with work or other things, but in a healthy relationship, you carry your partner along and make them know you will not be available.
In a healthy relationship, you make out time for each other.
#7. They are always distracted
When you are with them, their mind seems to always be somewhere else. They look bored or uninterested when you have to spend time together.
This is an indication you are in a relationship all by yourself, a red flag and you need to move on.
#8 They treat you like you do not matter
If your partner treats you like someone that can be easily discarded or makes you feel that they are doing you a favor by being with you, then you are in a toxic relationship.
If you continue on in the relationship, it would cause a huge damage on your self esteem.
#9 You are constantly fighting over everything
Couples fight but it should not be about every thing.
If you are constantly fighting and seem to never reach a point of agreement then you are in an unhealthy relationship.
#10 You are happier when they are not around
You are always happy when they are not around and you always look forward to leaving them.
#11 They are unreliable
One of the main signs of an unhealthy relationship is unreliability. You cannot never count on them for anything.
Their words do not mean anything and they are always flaking out in you.
They never keep to their side of the deal.
#12 Effort is one-sided
A relationship requires effort. You are the only one making all the sacrifices and going out of your way to make things work.
A relationship is exhausting when only one person is making all the compromises and putting in all of the work.
No matter how hard you try, it never seems to be enough.
#13 They keep Scores
They are always keeping counts on how many times you have wronged them.
It is a continuous cycle of always apologizing for things that have happened very long ago, but ironically, they want you to forget and move on fast when they commit any wrong against you.
They want to keep you feeling guilty all the time. Its a tool to to continually manipulate you to meeting their needs.
#14 There is Abuse
Any form of abuse in a relationship is unhealthy. A lot of people are aware of physical abuse but emotional and verbal abuse can be little more subtle.
#15 They make big decisions without you
You are never carried along when it comes to decision making. They also always want to make the decisions for you and do not care how you feel about them.
Your contribution is not important to them and they want things done only how they want it.
#16 They are never proud to show you off
They want to keep you a secret, and never introduce you to anyone important in their lives.
When you are out with them and they see someone they know, they just leave you and carry out a conversation with the person while completely ignoring you.
#17 Constant comparison
The keep comparing you negatively to other people.
They can go as far as flirting with other people in your presence, and when you call them out, they see it as nothing and tell you to suck it up.
#18 They put you down
You are constantly being trashed talk and put down. You self esteem is chipped at until you start believing that there is nothing good about you.
They make fun of you, your looks, your family background… etc. When you are happy about something you achieved, they find ways to pick holes and make light of it.
A health relationship should build you up, not pull you down.
#19 No contact with family and friends
Being in a relationship should not make you neglect family and friends that are healthy for you.
If they have not done anything to hurt you, but your partner cuts you off or forces you to cut off all forms of communication with them, that is a red flag.
#20 They lie and cheat
A bad relationship is characterized by lies even when there is no reason at all to lie.
Its shows lack of respect when a partner constantly lies and cheats. It breaks trust and when broken, trust cannot easily be repaired.
In conclusion…
Love is a beautiful thing and something that everyone should experience. A relationship can start up being healthy but along the way, it can end up being toxic.
It better to be single with peace of mind than to remain in the sham of a bad relationship, just to keep up appearances. If your relationship has a lot of this things listed above, then its time to re-consider what is more important to you.
If you are married you can work at fixing these issues.
You deserve to be happy.
Thank You for this It’s waking me up.